I used to know a girl.
A girl with dark brown eyes and long hair. She grew up very sporty and fit, and was quick to laugh. She loved to dance. School work came easily to her and she strove to read as much as possible. She loved learning new facts and remembered them months after reading them once. She loves doing quizzes to test herself.
She was strong willed and stubborn, sometimes to her detriment. She didn’t need anyone with her to do things, sometimes she’d even prefer to do things on her own. To new people she was pleasant, although very quiet, and many never saw more than that. She didn’t often let people in, maybe one or two people at a time in her life, but she moved on swiftly. She may have collected souvenirs from travelling but she never collected friends. Most of the time she thought it was a risk to become close to someone, and never bothered with a boyfriend-it sounded like work. Trying to make someone else happy, she never recognised that maybe a boyfriend would add to her life, not restrain it.
She had a great yearning to travel, to see as much of the world as possible, and not necessarily in style. She hoped to combine her college degree with travelling the globe as part of her job. She saw being happy in life more important than earning huge money and being miserable in a stressful job. Like testing herself at quizzes, she wanted to be challenged at work, for each day to be different. She wanted to make herself proud.
Then one day this girl became ill. She had been sick before, but this time was different. It carried on for a number of months before she gave up. Too much had changed in her life, the future she wanted was unattainable now. She quietly passed away some time in early 2011.
Through counselling I was told to allow myself to grieve her death. To accept she wasn’t here any more. It was and still is so difficult not to slip back into old memories, to expect her to be there, making plans for the future. I still have some things in common with her and that makes it harder to forget her.
How can I forget her when I see her face in the mirror every day?
DoubtsKillDreams 